Hi!
It has been a very long time since writing in here. I actually paid money to have an ad-free way of sharing the blessing of the written word with all of you, and I’m frustrated with myself for waiting so long to post.
To be honest, I’ve hesitated, because many of my previous posts were about the struggles and effects of separation and eventual divorce. I’ve come to a place of healing, and am moving on, but don’t necessarily want to post about that. I also wasn’t quite sure if the Lord wanted me to continue writing in here, or actually self-publish a whole book of poems elsewhere.
In the meantime, I’ve written a bit here and there, reading my poems at Simonka or simply tucking them away in my files for future use.
Then the COVID-19 pandemic hit.
Along with the rest of the world, I was slowly caught up in the news that a new and deadly virus was on the loose. Though not particularly fearful, I took appropriate precautions and then followed the governing authority’s orders to stay home.
Without an actual daily commute, and only having to traipse to the fridge for lunch, you’d think that it would be easy to enjoy a daily quiet time with the Lord. Not so. My stress level jumped up, from adjusting my work duties home, and not getting in the outdoors as often. This effected my digestive system, and my energy level suffered. It’s a vicious cycle.
Fast-forward a few weeks. I’m settling in a bit, but still melancholy. This afternoon my dear friends and co-ministers at Simonka called on video chat. Tonight we would normally be converging at the shelter: I would be sharing a poem, and Tom would give a message. They shared what the verse of the night would be: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:56, NIV) They challenged me to get outside more and to write something to go with his video message two hours later.
This is what I wrote:
“Drop-Kicked”
I’ve been sharing pretty pictures and memes
and many an inspiring Bible verse
in an effort to encourage with each post,
but the world just seems to get worse.
Yet my hope remains in You, Lord,
and though I’ve continued to convey it,
actually, lately I’ve been quite lax —
not often taking the time to pray it.
Spirit, drop-kick me to Jesus!
To again worship at His feet!
Don’t let me forget Your perfect love
or miss out on Your presence so sweet.
For too long I had been reduced
to merely surviving each uncertain day,
but you haven’t changed! So drop-kick my all
in front of Jesus once more, I pray.
For You need no empty sacrifice or mere words,
no online posts, though kind and true —
You just want ME — my deepest desires
surrendered, looking fully to You.
So pick me up, dust me off, Lord,
I humbly seek Your wisdom, Your face;
Drop-kicking my own understanding,
I lean into Your guidance and grace.
Ladeena Ashley
4-26-2020
I’m glad the Lord used my friends to spiritually drop-kick me, but most of all, that God never changes, and we can count on Him even in these strange times. I hope and pray that you know this truth for yourself. No matter my feelings or thoughts about what’s happening, I always have hope I’ve found through Christ. It’s the key to my sanity, strength, attitude… everything.
Thanks for reading. We’ll see what happens next!
Blessings to you!
Ladeena
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